Knarly, yet difficult with a hint of zesty pleasure!
So I guess that I had this pre-conceived notion that meditating for 26 days would be ohh so relaxing, and while it was great, I definitely wouldn't call it relaxing.
You get your own living quarter which is nice, and I was placed with the thais, and they had a much nicer accomodations than the foreigners. It was a newer, basic room, we got a little mat and slept on the tile floor, had our own bathrooms with a cold shower, but still, I was able to adjust to that seemingly easily. My first night though, I swear my lower back/hip area went numb, so I started sleeping on my meditation mat... not too bad!! The cold shower while hard to get into, was quite refreshing. No mirror though! That was very foreign to not look at yourself for that long and I caught myself trying to look at my reflection in wondows. We also wore these plain white slacks and shirts that they provided (very flattering!) and then the women had to wear a scarf around their chest as a modesty symbol.
I stayed at a regular monastary with monks, and then they also have this program that allows thais and foreigners to come and meditate. People come and go at different times and stay for different lengths of time. They taught us individually the meditation techniques which consisted of walking and sitting meditation. We were then on our own, free to practice outside, surrounded by numerous temples and Buddha figures, inside one of the temples, or in our room. They encouraged us to stay in our room though. The ground themselves were beautiful, all of these enormous, huge, old trees and numerous different temples and buildings, all enclosed by a big brick wall. It was sort of a mix between fall, spring and summer: a little cool in the morning, warm in the afternoon, and then there were constant leaves falling everywhere, and the novice monks swept constantly. The monastary was quiet by thai standards with plently of construction going on and a few nervous, stray/adopted barking dogs.
The first day we were told to meditate in 15 minute segments, alternating walking and sitting, completing a total of 6 hours. We would then check-in with the master, explain our experience, and they increased our time one hour every day until we were meditating for 12 hours a day, one hour sitting, one hour walking. The master was gone the first 10 days of my retreat, so I spoke with this fiestly German woman who I guess had been assosiated with the temple for the last 30 years or so. She was motivating, and helpful. The technique that they taught consisted of constant mental dialogue of what was going on in your body, "sitting, sitting, sitting," "walking, walking, walking," and when you got distracted by a thought or fear, you would acknowledge that by saying, "thinking, thinking, thinking," "anxious, fear, pain" etc...
We also took part in the ritualistic aspects of Buddhism which inculded an opening and closing ceremony, chanting before our two meals, not eating anything solid after 12 pm, bowing 3 times to the buddha and master before eating, and before speaking to him. And then also every full moon, quarter moon, and new moon is considered a "Buddha day," where they have a ceremony in the evening which consists of a lecture and then the monks and lay people take these candle/ incense/ flower boquets and walk around one of the huge buddha pogodas (this tall spherical monument that has buddha images carved into) three times, before praying to the Buddha, bowing, lighting then candles and leaving the flower boquet on the pagoda. It was so beautiful, we weren't allowed to take pictures though!
Anyway, lots of different emotions came up... Sometimes I almost felt like I was in school again, stressed and anxious to get all the hours in...other days, I felt like my mind retaliated, and I was having constant mental dialogues with all the people that have been in my life through growing up, school, work, and travel experiences. Other days, it was just a lot of emotion, thoughts about my future, and there is no where to turn, nothing you can do to escape, distract yourself, etc... Day 10 I was having so much anxiety, I felt ready to go, thank you very much, adios amigos!! But I stayed, and it is amazing how once you really acknowledge and feel everything, things seem to calm down and get released. The German woman kept speaking about presence, and when you are truly present, in the moment, the future takes care of itself, happens effortlessly, which I've had direct experience as being true, but something very foreign to us westerners.
About day 12 or so, the master came back, and he was so calm and relaxed. He didn't say much, but I felt very calm around him. About day 15, he started reducing our hours of sleep down until we were sleeping no more than 4 hours a night. I would be so tired, that I would go to bed at 10 pm and get up at 2 am... and it was definitely a struggle, but I felt like I did adjust.
Most of the foreigners coming only stay for 10 days, but there were a couple of us who did the full 26 day course. We weren't supposed to speak, but everyone ends up talking a little bit, laid back Thailand. About day 20 or so, I was so tired that I had gone to lunch and forgotten to put on my modesty scarf. It wasn't really that big of a deal. There was one Spanish girl, staying for 10 days who was so funny. She said to me, "Ohha, youa looka like youa goin to the beach, wherea is your scarf? I-a see-a you ona day 20 meditating, and Ia say to my friend, see what-a happen on a day 20... no thank you, Ia leave after daya 10!"
Anyway, so the last three days you were to stay in your room and not allowed to bathe, or clean, and they bring you food. You are supposed to stay up all night, you are allowed to take breaks, but not sleep. You can leave your room to go check-in with the master. The first night I was fine, it was difficult, but the woman next to me was doing the same thing, so I think that that provided some motivation, and though I was really tired, once the sun came up, I was fine. It is sorta like running a cross-country race, you think that you won't make it, but you keep going, and you do make it.
The second night however, I had to sleep about two hours... physically the body is in so much pain sitting erect and walking cause there is no rest really. It was probably the closest experience I'll ever really have to being on drugs. It started feeling like the floor was moving, rolling, swayig underneath me, and then it felt like my feet had lead bricks on them, I really couldn't physically lift them anymore... I only slept two hours though. The last night I was kinda over it and I slept 4 hours. I think everyone ended up sleeping... I had no guilt about sleeping... It started feeling inhuman, we are still physical beings, you know?
Overall, it was great! I feel like I can really do anything ! More to come later!
You get your own living quarter which is nice, and I was placed with the thais, and they had a much nicer accomodations than the foreigners. It was a newer, basic room, we got a little mat and slept on the tile floor, had our own bathrooms with a cold shower, but still, I was able to adjust to that seemingly easily. My first night though, I swear my lower back/hip area went numb, so I started sleeping on my meditation mat... not too bad!! The cold shower while hard to get into, was quite refreshing. No mirror though! That was very foreign to not look at yourself for that long and I caught myself trying to look at my reflection in wondows. We also wore these plain white slacks and shirts that they provided (very flattering!) and then the women had to wear a scarf around their chest as a modesty symbol.
I stayed at a regular monastary with monks, and then they also have this program that allows thais and foreigners to come and meditate. People come and go at different times and stay for different lengths of time. They taught us individually the meditation techniques which consisted of walking and sitting meditation. We were then on our own, free to practice outside, surrounded by numerous temples and Buddha figures, inside one of the temples, or in our room. They encouraged us to stay in our room though. The ground themselves were beautiful, all of these enormous, huge, old trees and numerous different temples and buildings, all enclosed by a big brick wall. It was sort of a mix between fall, spring and summer: a little cool in the morning, warm in the afternoon, and then there were constant leaves falling everywhere, and the novice monks swept constantly. The monastary was quiet by thai standards with plently of construction going on and a few nervous, stray/adopted barking dogs.
The first day we were told to meditate in 15 minute segments, alternating walking and sitting, completing a total of 6 hours. We would then check-in with the master, explain our experience, and they increased our time one hour every day until we were meditating for 12 hours a day, one hour sitting, one hour walking. The master was gone the first 10 days of my retreat, so I spoke with this fiestly German woman who I guess had been assosiated with the temple for the last 30 years or so. She was motivating, and helpful. The technique that they taught consisted of constant mental dialogue of what was going on in your body, "sitting, sitting, sitting," "walking, walking, walking," and when you got distracted by a thought or fear, you would acknowledge that by saying, "thinking, thinking, thinking," "anxious, fear, pain" etc...
We also took part in the ritualistic aspects of Buddhism which inculded an opening and closing ceremony, chanting before our two meals, not eating anything solid after 12 pm, bowing 3 times to the buddha and master before eating, and before speaking to him. And then also every full moon, quarter moon, and new moon is considered a "Buddha day," where they have a ceremony in the evening which consists of a lecture and then the monks and lay people take these candle/ incense/ flower boquets and walk around one of the huge buddha pogodas (this tall spherical monument that has buddha images carved into) three times, before praying to the Buddha, bowing, lighting then candles and leaving the flower boquet on the pagoda. It was so beautiful, we weren't allowed to take pictures though!
Anyway, lots of different emotions came up... Sometimes I almost felt like I was in school again, stressed and anxious to get all the hours in...other days, I felt like my mind retaliated, and I was having constant mental dialogues with all the people that have been in my life through growing up, school, work, and travel experiences. Other days, it was just a lot of emotion, thoughts about my future, and there is no where to turn, nothing you can do to escape, distract yourself, etc... Day 10 I was having so much anxiety, I felt ready to go, thank you very much, adios amigos!! But I stayed, and it is amazing how once you really acknowledge and feel everything, things seem to calm down and get released. The German woman kept speaking about presence, and when you are truly present, in the moment, the future takes care of itself, happens effortlessly, which I've had direct experience as being true, but something very foreign to us westerners.
About day 12 or so, the master came back, and he was so calm and relaxed. He didn't say much, but I felt very calm around him. About day 15, he started reducing our hours of sleep down until we were sleeping no more than 4 hours a night. I would be so tired, that I would go to bed at 10 pm and get up at 2 am... and it was definitely a struggle, but I felt like I did adjust.
Most of the foreigners coming only stay for 10 days, but there were a couple of us who did the full 26 day course. We weren't supposed to speak, but everyone ends up talking a little bit, laid back Thailand. About day 20 or so, I was so tired that I had gone to lunch and forgotten to put on my modesty scarf. It wasn't really that big of a deal. There was one Spanish girl, staying for 10 days who was so funny. She said to me, "Ohha, youa looka like youa goin to the beach, wherea is your scarf? I-a see-a you ona day 20 meditating, and Ia say to my friend, see what-a happen on a day 20... no thank you, Ia leave after daya 10!"
Anyway, so the last three days you were to stay in your room and not allowed to bathe, or clean, and they bring you food. You are supposed to stay up all night, you are allowed to take breaks, but not sleep. You can leave your room to go check-in with the master. The first night I was fine, it was difficult, but the woman next to me was doing the same thing, so I think that that provided some motivation, and though I was really tired, once the sun came up, I was fine. It is sorta like running a cross-country race, you think that you won't make it, but you keep going, and you do make it.
The second night however, I had to sleep about two hours... physically the body is in so much pain sitting erect and walking cause there is no rest really. It was probably the closest experience I'll ever really have to being on drugs. It started feeling like the floor was moving, rolling, swayig underneath me, and then it felt like my feet had lead bricks on them, I really couldn't physically lift them anymore... I only slept two hours though. The last night I was kinda over it and I slept 4 hours. I think everyone ended up sleeping... I had no guilt about sleeping... It started feeling inhuman, we are still physical beings, you know?
Overall, it was great! I feel like I can really do anything ! More to come later!
posted by meagan at 10:53 PM
1 Comments:
Whoa that was a cool story ... I am curious when you started thinking about people from school, sis I come up in any of those reference/meditation points?
These are the words of .... The Ugly Duckling
Post a Comment
<< Home