26 Days of Silece

I'll be out of touch for the next month and check-in again early March. I'll be doing a 26 day meditation retreat which I am very much looking forward to. I think that this one isn't quite as strict as the last one that I did, and I'll have my own room which is nice. We also alternate between sitting and walking meditation, so it won't be so hard on the back. I'm also looking forward to it because it is at a Buddhist Monastary, so I'll get to take part in some of their rituals: there is an opening ritual, Buddha day rituals (which correspond to the moon cycle) and a closing ritual, so I'll have to bring candles, insence, and lotus flowers, and during the whole retreat, I wear white loose clothing. It should be interesting, certainly challenging. I'll be getting up at 4 am, the first meal of the day is at 6 am, and the second and final meal of the day is at 10 am... I understand that the last three days of the meditation that the mind is in such a great state that you meditate consistently, and don't sleep.

Ignoring Problems

Yeah, so when I first moved into this apartment, I was using this thick apricot scrub facewash that I believe semi-clogged the drain to my shower. "Ahh, that's not a big deal if it takes hours for the shower to drain, I only use it once a day, right?" The apartment manager speaks very broken English while I speak even more broken thai, and it leaves me with this fear of a) expressing myself, b) causing a problem. Isn't it somehow my fault that the drain is clogged? I should have known not to use that face wash? What was I thinking? Now, I know that I would be able to get my point across and that they would understand no matter what the language problem, but I again I start to think, Well I shouldn't even try unless I can do it perfectly? Again, I am reminded of learning french through complete immersion as an exchange student and how traumatic it was. Ahh, I'll just leave the drain that way... it's not really that big of a deal.
So, now the water won't drain at all, and I'm reminded that problems stick around until you deal with them. I am reminded of all the other farangs I know here who also have about my level of language skill but who aren't afraid to just go for it, make a fool of yourself, maybe you'll be understood, maybe not, but just speak, and try, and eventually that is how you learn. So, today I am going to face this little problem which is a small metaphor for all other problems, and perhaps I will cause a little problem by telling them the drain doesn't work. I really don't think they'll mind. I'm remided that just because something stops working doesn't mean its my fault necessarily, right? I also think of all my customer service jobs where I would take every complaint, every problem as something personally wrong with me. Funny how we do that, eh??
I remember working with one black girl from the south who started to teach me a little bit about standing up for myself. She would never take any crap from customers and would always talk about how she would go off on people if they really bothered her, "Excuse me, you need to get out of my face, and take your business somewhere else, cause I am about to go off, and you don't want to see me go off!" She wasn't quite that direct to their face, but I learned a lot from Catherine.
Speaking of customer service, I'm rather enjoying the lack of here. If the food takes a while to get out, the food takes a while to get out, if you have to wait an hour to see the dentist, you have to wait an hour to see the dentist.... That wouldn't work in the US where time is money, but it also builds all these people with overinflated egos who take themselves too seriously. "You don't understand, this is unacceptable that I should have to wait this long for this." I guess that things also cost a lot more in the US, so you expect a lot more. The chaos of all my customer service jobs: waitress, bank teller, customer service representative, being yelled at by people, when really it's the system that's flawed, not me. A little Buddhist philosophy in the the US certainly wouldn't hurt though. That is life, sometimes you have to wait...

Indesicive Meagan

So I think that I had posted that I was getting my wisdom teeth out here, as numerous people have recommended that I do that. The dentist decided to do one half of my mouth first and then wait and do the other side of the mouth, so that in the meantime I could still eat on one side of my mouth. The top tooth came out relatively easy, and then bottom tooth he pryed on for a good 25 minutes, rending me with total lock-jaw before it came out. Other than it making me nervous, it wasn't too painful, except that my jaw kept hurting for days following the procedure. I mentioned to a couple people what I had done, and whereas before I kept hearing, "you need to get those teeth out, " this time everyone kept saying, "why would you do that?" And then I started thinking about it, just cause numerous dentists have told me that I need to do this, does that mean I really do? In the US they told me the same thing, I think everyone bottom line maybe is just out to make a buck. Anyway, and I started thinking about it, poor little wisdom tooth wasn't bothering anyone, wasn't getting infected, wasn't messing up my bite, was chillen out, partly exposed, partly imbedded in the gum, and I go in there and rip it from its home, leaving my mouth with this huge gash. Why do we do such things?
Again, my mind is racing a million miles an hour, "Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't take the other side out." I've been gifted with an abundance of Libra in my astrological chart, nearly half of my planets fall in Libra, the scales, constantly looking at both sides, balancing things, thinking through all possible outcomes before making a decision, wanting to be friends with everyone, walk on both sides of the line. A friend says about my constant indecisiveness, "I don't know how you live like that!"
So, I decide to not get the other side of my wisdom teeth out... Let them stay... if there is no problem, than why fix it?
Let these wisdom teeth be a reminder of my neurotic ways, my indecision, and I've decided to just start making decisions from that gut level, place of instinct, and if it is a wrong decision, let it be a learning lesson. My intention is to get more in the body, less in the mind at the meditation retreat. It's a constant battle, but I'll have 26 days to do it!!

Taking things for granted

So I was finishing up my appointment with this body worker (he's amazing, does this mix between thai massage, energy work, rolfing, and accupressure) and I put my little bag in the front basket to drive home, and he warns me about maybe carrying it over my shoulder to avoid anything being stolen. His English isn't great, so I sluffed off his warning because I haven't heard of anyone getting anything stolen. Two days later I wake up and go to get my wallet, only to realize that it must have fallen out while I was driving my bike around. What a bummer, I had all of my credit cards, ATM, everything except my passport, thank goodness. Good thing I'll be at the meditation retreat next month, and I'll just budget until then. Anyway, when things like that happen I like to take them as a learning experience.... next time i'll be more careful, I have grown a little lazy as I've gotten more comfortable here. When something like this happens it really makes you realize how much you take that little piece of plastic for granted... and it makes me think of other things I've been taking for granted: that motorbike that takes me safely around the whole town, my health, my friends and family, this experience, grateful for it all, even grateful for this little reminder to not take anything for granted!!

Chiang Mai Night Safari

So the government has invested a huge amount of money into creating the Chiang Mai night safari. They have shipped over animals from Southern Africa to make it a truly exotic experience. The opening date keeps getting postponed, and there seems to be huge amounts of problems... one of them being that they were planning on also having an exoitc restaurant where you could first go to the Night Safari and see all of these wonderful animals, and then you could go to the restaurant and feast on Wild Zebra for 4,000 baht (about $100 US dollars) or how about some giraffe. Anyway, as one can imagine there was huge protests from environmental organizations and from the countries in southern Africa who are sending over the animals, so they've done away with the exotic menu. I find the whole thing comical in this really twisted way.

Sollution to the Polution?

I think the pollution starts to get worse this time of the year, or possibly because I live just outside of town, I am on the motorbike a lot more which exposes one to all the fumes of the tuk-tuks, cars, and other motorbikes. Often times it is this black exhaust which comes out, I've never seen that in the US, no fuel-emission standards I guess. Anyway, the last couple days, my throat has been bothering me and my eyes have been burning all day. I guess that is the only thing that can drive people from Chiang Mai's charming atmosphere... many people get respitory problems. Anyway, I invested the .$25 cents in a mask that covers my face while I am biking, so now I'll look like a real freak with my pink helmet while I am riding! Hopefully that will help, I try not to think about it too much though. The other day, I saw this farang get off his bike with a full-on gas mask looking thing that protruded from his face a good 4", giving him an anteater look. I guess that will solve the problem, but i don't think I am ready to go quite that far.

Stray-dog Symphony

There are lots of stray dogs here, many walking around who look pregnant or like they just gave birth. It seems like I've seen people feeding them, and I think the monks at the monastaries take care of them too. I've heard that in India, it is much worse, and that people kick and don't take care of all the strays. I absolutely love dogs, and most seem pretty happy, a lot look like they aren't in great shape. Anyway, two nights in a row, I cannot sleep because they seem to be barking all night long!! Every time a plane flies overhead too, for at least 5 minutes, all that you can hear is every dog within a one-mile radius barking! :)

Dentists, Doctors, Bodyworkers

The last couple of years in the US, I put off a lot of things because I was working so hard going to school and working, while simultaneously trying to stay sain.
Anyway, I figured that I better get some things taken care of here, and I am still amazed by how efficient and cheap everything is!
I saw a doctor the other day for $10. I got my teeth cleaned yesterday, $12! They also recommended that I get my wisdom teeth out which I've been hearing for a couple of years, so I decided to go for it. It is so funny because I think with my insurance and my co-pay in the US, it would have been about $400 US dollars. I'm getting all 4 done for $75 US dollars here. He did one side the other day, and is waiting a couple of days to do the other side. It was relatively easy and relatively painless. My top tooth came out right away, but he pulled on my bottom tooth a good 25 minutes before he got it out. Everyone looks so young here, including the dentist, and I started freaking out for a brief couple of minutes thinking, "What had I gotten myself into?" This was obviously some imposter dentisit who probably didn't have his credentials, etc... Anyway, it came out, and worked out just fine. (I had seen his credentials before I underwent the operation).
The other day, I also embarked on my motorbike to find the elusive Mr. Poo, who is supposed to be the best bodyworker in all of the Northern Province. Anyway, about an hour later, (the labeling and numbering system for roads doesn't make much sense), I found him. He is a master teacher for experts wanting to improve their thai massage, and he was able to detail all of my body problems (my knees, hips, back, and shoulders have been seriously messed up since I was on the rowing team about 6 years ago), by simply looking at my feet, and the way I carried myself. Anyway, he said he should be able to fix it all with 3 appointments, and he charges the huge sum of $30 for each appointment (relatively expensive by thai standards). It's so great because this is all stuff that has been bugging me for a while, which would cost about 4-5 times the price in so. cal.
I've also recently discovered the "oil massage," which is similar to a traditional Swedish massage, definitely a sensual experience. While I like the traditional thai massage, one is clothed, lying on the floor, and sometimes the recipient isn't sure if they are getting a massage or being bruised and beaten, ouch! Anyway, it all so amazing, $5 for an hour.

Need Gas?

This happened about a month ago, but I forgot to write about it, and I thought that it was so funny! Kyle and I went to go see King Kong and it didn't get out until about 2 a.m., and the streets were all pretty empty. Anyway, Kyle ends up running out of gas, and we stop at the side of the road, still probably a good mile from where we were staying. I crossed the street just on instinct, maybe getting ready to walk home, when this thai man stops on his bike and in English asks, "Problem?"
"Oh nothing I say, just no gas!"
"Oh gas,?" he says, and shows me a big water bottle full of gas! He pulled up and gave us enough to get home.
"Happen to me, before, no gas, now have bottle," he says.
We thanked him profusely and drove home. It was funny! I saw him drive up to the next person who seemed to be out of gas just ahead of us to help him out as well. What an awesome guy!

Manifestation

The other week I overheard this woman speaking about manifesting friends, etc... She said, "And then I just remembered that all that I had to do was manifest friends!" And it was great to hear someone say that, and I silently said the same thing to myself that moment also. I haven't really had a problem with friends here, but when I said that I seriously started meeting really cool, like-minded people, that gave me info on meditations, yoga, massage, travel, teaching in a hill-tribe, Inida, and there is actually another westerner in my apartment building from Germany who speaks Thai and English, he would be a great friend to have!! So my conclusion is that manifestation does work. I got pretty much instant results. Some of those people i've met have stayed in my life, and a lot of them came and went like travelers often do.

New Year's 2006-Good Omens

Well I feel like the days seem to blend together here to a certain degree and it didn't really register that it was New Year's Eve until the afternoon. I was busy that day running around getting things for my apartment, and then I met up with some friends that I met through my language class. They are working in a different city with a Christian organization to help the native hill-tribe people. Anyway, they had moved about 3 weeks earlier, so it was fun to see them again, and then we went to go see The Cronicles of Narnia which I totally loved, and reminds me of my own processes- facing my fears and getting in touch with my raw lion energy-grrr- i'm a leo the lion- yet I've always identified more with my libra moon (yes, I am into astrology). Anyway, it is my intention to get in touch with that very authentic, real, raw, strong, creative, shining my light, leo the lion energy. So I took the movie as a very good omen and a perfect way to start my New Year's Eve.
I then went to a roof-top bar here and met up with some other friends and had a pretty fun, chill night. We drank, watched the fireworks, I called some people at midnight, which was 9 a.m. on the west coast (wierd, ehh?), and I danced a little bit, talked to a few guys, no one really grabbed my attention.
Everyone was ready to leave at 1:30 a.m. and that is kinda of early, but I figured that i had broken my bad New Year's Eve streak (my last 3 have been quite bad). Anyway, as I was leaving, I saw this guy who I had noticed the previous day at a restaurant, and he motioned me to come over. I was in the process of leaving, so I just kept walking out, and turned to look at him one last time, and he stuck his tongue out at me. Down stairs I was putting on my shoes to go, when it dawned on me, "What am I doing? I need to go talk to that guy!"
Anyway, meeting this guy was my second really good omen for 2006! We talked all night, and he was super funny, sarcastic, sensitive, cute, respectful, all of the above. We had a lot in common, and he kept reading me, guessing things pretty right on about me, and he would do these great impersenations of me! We laughed a lot, and also had some deep conversation. I feel like my heart has been closed for the last while, and although we went our separate ways, I think it was just one of those moments that you know is impermanent, but that also changes your world, and changes your life path just a couple degrees. I didn't even think of getting his contact info cause he is soon going back to the US, and I've had a couple similar experiences, and you try and keep in touch, but that quickly fades away as you both get busy with your separate lives. But I really regretted that afterwards, o well, life goes on. So meagan is still single and enjoying life that way.... I feel like I still have a little work to do, but it will be nice when I'm ready, and so is he. I guess this guy just gave me faith that men like him exist; I was really starting to doubt it. I feel like people love me, love telling me their problems, I don't always understand it or get it, but it often leaves me with this invisible feeling like people can only see me to tell me all about themselves, at least that has been my experience in Thailand. Anyway, astrologically (i always take astrology with a grain of salt, but it is just interesting!) he was a leo (another omen that I am getting in touch with my leo-ness) with a moon in Libra and libra rising just like me, no wonder we got along! Thank you Alexander, wherever you are! :)

New Apartment

So I moved into this pretty nice, brand new, studio apartment!! It's like a very large hotel room, with plenty of storage, and a nice balcony that faces the mountains. It is funny because this is the first time in my adult life that I've had my own space, and it is so cheap, about $90 a month. I am outside of the city just a little bit, so that is both excellent, and has its draw backs at the same time. The first night was a little rough though! It is not furnished and I couldn't figure out how to make the hot water work, so I took a quick cold shower and got to sleep on my towel. The next day, I picked up a few things, and the manager in his very broken English showed me how to use the hot water... there is an adjustment for the water pressure and less water pressure equals hotter water! Yay!!
So I'll be here for just a month and then its off to a monastary for 26 days of silence, meditation, bring it on, I'm actually really looking forward to it!! After that I am planning on doing a massage course in a hill-tribe village, and then start working!

Christmas in Bangkok/ Khoa San Road

Rebecca and I took the overnight train to Bangkok, it is about a 14 hour train ride, it's only an hour flight, but we've got time, and we took the overnight sleeper. We sat in normal seats, and it was really amazing how they come around and convert everything into these comfy, compact beds. The bed was so comfortable and cozy, without a doubt, my best night's sleep! (The bed's here seem to be either super hard or super soft).
Last time that I was in Bangkok, I purposely avoided the Khoa San Road area, this is the main backpacker's street where there are pretty much all westerners/bars/ travel agencies/ shops, but since I was with Rebecca, I decided to stay where all of the back packer's stay. We got an o.k. hostel, but for what I was paying in Chiang Mai for a really clean place with hot water, TV, and fridge, I got this semi-dirty place, really small with cold water, and no amenities!! Anyway, it wasn't too bad, the cold shower thing you can definitely get used to. Anyway, it was definitely dissorienting to say the least. Khoa San Road kinda reminds me of this rowdy, international version of Isla Vista in Santa Barbara. I enjoyed it, but I don't think I ever need to go back there!!
I indulged a couple times in Starbucks while on Khoa San Road. They charge pretty much American prices at the store, so it is quite expensive by thai standards. I've definitely started thinking in terms of baht and not dollars! Anyway, you can not meet nicer people than the people who work at Starbucks!
We also tried getting around the city, and that proved to be completely impossible by car!! Total landlocked traffic jams most of the time, and the pollution is sooo bad down there. I really started missing my little jewel of Chiang Mai right away.
Anyway, we ventured on a day-tour of Attuya, an ancient city with ruins. I am always a little weary of organized tours, and now I know why! It was comical, but it looked like they picked the tour guide up off of the street early that morning in every way. He was speaking some type of mixture of English and Thai, and no one was able to understand him. Someone on our tour started laughing, and it was contagious, I couldn't stop laughing the whole day. Poor man, but he probably shouldn't be a tour guide!!
On Christmas, Rebecca went to meet up with her boyfriend who had just arrived, and I actually took the local bus to this huge weekend market. I was the only non-thai on the bus, and they kinda grabbed me to get off the bus at my stop. Once you get out of the touristy areas, people seem to be extra-friendly. I was so proud of myself though that I was able to figure that out! I then got a call from Jamie, a high school friend who was also in Bangkok for the time being. Anyway, we set a rendez-vous point, and I decided that I better take off right away to get there in time. I gave myself about 45 minutes or so. I hadn't yet tried the motorcycle taxis, so I figured that I would give it a whirl, it is the quickest way to get around. Anyway, it seems like no one knows where anything is in Bangkok, so I took the taxi to a dfferent spot and then walked to her hotel. It was quite a fun adventure, manuvering around huge buses, and going up on the sidewalks to avoid traffic/ etc... One bad thing (getting behind the buses that seem to blow exhuast right directly into your face! It was great to catch up with Jamie. I then had a late lunch with Rebecca and her boyfriend, and then that night I went out with my friend's brother Michael and his thai/western friends who all live in Bankok. It was such a great day packed with a lot of cool people!
The next day, I took the train back to Chaing Mai. They were sold out of the sleepers, so I had to take the normal seating back and it was this time a 16 hour train ride!! I was one of the only westerners on the train, and again it is funny how everyone rallies to help you out! I bought a pre-packaged meal that turned out to be hot as fr*&$!!!! I took a couple bites and then started flipping out, and someone gave me a soda right away, and another person gave me some candy to help the burn go away. It is funny how little thai I know, yet how impressed people are when you use it!
So I arrived home (Chiang Mai) 16 hours later at 6 am... AHHH!!! I don't think you can pay me to go back to Bangkok! Actually its not too bad for less than 36 hours!
P.S. I just learned that taking the bus to bangkok is about half the price as taking the train and it takes half the amount of time! I guess you live and learn!

Rebecca's visit/ Meagan adjusting

A friend/roommate from Santa Barbara came to visit in mid-December (I guess that it has been a while since I last wrote). It was really fun playing tour guide, and it really made me realize how much I have acclamated to the culture, and how much I do know in terms of the language and being able to get around. It is funny how you don't realize how you have progressed until someone comes along who is fresh and new to the culture. We had a good time, and she was a good sport in terms of riding on the back of the motorbike. It is funny how completely comfortable I am with driving the motorbike now!