Hot, hot, hot.. out of touch, again!

Well, it is definitely heating up around here.. a lot, I am getting used to being constantly sweaty... although my skin is starting to break out : ( But, for now at least I would rather save the money and go for a fan room, compared to an A/C room, that might soon change though.... The A/C rooms are always double the non-A/C rooms. I like the heat though. I guess next month is the hottest, and they also have these water festivals to celebrate the hottest month.

So I'm back in Chiang Mai after spending about 10 days in Pai, soon be heading off to an authentic thai village for 12 days to learn Thai massage, and I'll once again be out of touch!

Tequilla's tough - full moon fun....not!!!

I was planning on blogging about this cute English family that I met about a week ago in Pai when I was out with Jo (my great new auzzie friend). Jo and I, and this English family were both a little lost trying to find this bar that has live music, just a little bit out of town. We ended up sitting with them: a 25 year-old brother, very posh, polished, styled, a little judgemental, possibly gay, a 24 year-old brother, a sort of all-american guy guy (but he's English), super nice, has dreadlocks, and the mom seemed more like the younger brother, kind of hippish.

Anyway, we chatted with them the whole night. The amazing thing is that they had been traveling the world together for the last 18 months. I remember saying to them, "And you are still talking?" They all kind of giggled, but both Jo and I were touched and struck by how amazing and rare it is to see a family traveling together for that long, and they are still speaking. "How endearing," I kept thinking. We were so impressed that they came up in our conversations numerous times throughout the week.

About a week later, we ran into them again at a breakfast restaurant, and the younger brother invited us to a party that he knew about. They seemed so cool, and I was excited to hang out with them again. Anyway, at the party, we all sat around a table and Jo was next to Allen the younger one, and I was next to Glenn, the older one. Anyway, they were all taking tequilla shots, I delined just because I've had too many bad nights that started off with tequilla shots, you know? Well, I guess the true colors started to show because they kept arguing and fighting, and Jo and I were both chuckling to each other, thinking, "Our bubble of this perfect family has been totally crushed!"

Anyway, I decided I'd heard enough arguing, and went to go dance. I actually turned into a dancing queen: there was a huge mirror on the dance floor, and there is something about dancing in front of a mirror that makes me super comfortable, I can dance sooo well if there is a mirror. I can actually see that I am on rhythm, cause I can't always feel if I am or not....

So, after a couple hours Jo and I decided to go hit up the late night bar, bid the family good bye, and told them where we were going. The late night Bamboo Bar was fun, an open air bar made out of all bamboo...Anyway, we were enjoying ourselves, chatting with some people that we had met earlier in the night when the English family came in... The mom was definitely wasted. This time, the younger, hippie brother sat next to me, and we were having great conversation, he was really cool. We decided to go to the bar and get some food, and were standing there waiting for it to be made when Glenn, the older brother came up to Allen, the younger brother, and like obviously had some problem with us chatting, and he kind of pushed Allen and was like, "Your mother is being belligerant, and drunk, you need to take her home!" They then went outside and started just pushing each other and arguing, and then Glenn took off, and then Allen started honking the horn to get his mother's attention, and then the owner went out there and they started arguing, and then I saw the owner come back inside raging, and on this mission to grab something behind the counter, and I freaked out, thinking that it was a gun, so I ran into the bathroom and screamed for a minute, and then went outside. Everything happened so fast that I wasn't really thinking, just going on instincts... Anyway, the owner had grabbed a bat and hit Allen a couple of times, but he was o.k. bleeding just a little bit, but obviously super angry.

Jo was like, "we should go," and for some reason, I just instinctually stayed. I think the mom felt bad, so she was yelling at Allen too, and it was completely crazy, but I just started saying prayers to Archeangel Michael asking for divine intervention (I have a book of inter-faith dieties and prayers that I use often, so I knew to call on Archeangel Michael). Anyway, they kept arguing, and so I was just like I can't help, and told them that I was going to go, and then they just kind of calmed down right away, and I was able to help them home, and I even did some reiki on Allen. Whoa, crazy night! See, I knew not to have any tequilla shots around the full-moon!

Anyway, I saw them the next day, and Allen was o.k. It was almost comical how relaxed they were, like nothing had happened at all... No one seemed even embarassed. Allen's like, "yeah, I'm a little sore!"

"A little sore? You could have been seriously killed!" is what I was thinking. Anyway, it was also comical because we thought this family was so amazing that we had literally talked about them all week, alas we are all only human.

Concluding thoughts: Tequilla shots in a foreign country = very bad... On a brighter note, divine intervention with complete surrender (I seriously surrendered the fact that they might not want any help, and would possibly rather spend the early morning hours yelling in the street) always seems to work!!

Israeli's....everywhere

I also started chatting with the Israelis also staying at my bungalow, and they are super cool. I guess that everyone has to join the army after high school for 3 years, and then they all do these big 6-8 month trips afterwards. They all live at home until they're married, so I think that they can save money much easier. The group at my bungalow had all been to India and then are doing all of Southeast Asia. It's funny too, I think that about 50% of the tourists in this town are Israeli! I witnessed two separate occasions where different, educated town drunks start up arguments with them about their foreign policy. They are all intense people, it must be a really intense place to grow up. It makes me want to go visit that country.
Anyway, the last three days, I've had three different, random Israelis declare their love for me. I'm certain that it is just the blond hair. I ended up running into the same guy two days in a row, and he seriously was like saying how we were meant to be together, and how he is thoroughly in love with me: it was way too much for me coming from American culture where you don't really say how you feel. It's not really a good feeling; I felt really invaded, like you don't even know me, you can't say that. Anyway, it was cool cause I was able to tell him that, and he almost started crying, that's just way too much pressure for me, like he's projecting all this stuff onto me, and not really seeing me... we exchanged e-mail addresses, so if it somehow hits me that that is my soul mate, I'll be able to get in touch with him. HaHa! I do really like dark men though, I'd like to find some balance between their passion and American mens indifference (at least so. Cal men).

Nothing Better

Driving on the motorbike the other day, in the country to the hot springs, I was surrounded by these lush, rolling mountains, hot sun beating down on me, warm wind blowing through my hair, I was really struck by this feeling of total freedom, excitement, and a complete sense of contentment, like there is nothing better!! I've had that feeling numerous times here: walking, eating, sitting, all of my senses have been reawakened, coming off automatic pilot, like I'm rediscovering all of life's sensual experiences. Again, I have this really strong feeling of faith and trust in my higher self, like for right now, I'm listening and being led.
I've already decided that for my honeymoon, I don't want to do some fancy two week trip, but would rather do a more rugged 3-6 month motorcycle tour of South America, like in The Motorcycle Diaries. I am not sure about having a motorcycle in the US cause people seem to have a lot less awareness while driving than here.

My piece of Pai

I finally made it to this little town nestled in the mountains only about 100 miles from Chiang Mai, but it is about a 3 hour trip with all the winding turns, etc... It's funny, they really encourage you to take the "mini-bus" there which picks you up at your guest house, but really it is like this old mini-van that they have some packed 12 seats into, no shocks, and then AC doesn't really work. I get quite claustrophobic cramped in there. I think from now on, I'll stick to the public transportation which is actually cheaper and more comfortable: the little tricks that you learn once you have been traveling for a while.
Anyway, upon arriving, I ran into a girl from my meditation retreat, small world, and she showed me some bungalows on the river to stay at. You have to cross this bamboo bridge, and I was a little uneasy as to whether it would hold me with all of my stuff, but it did!! I am staying in a typical thai bungalow: It is raised about 10 feet above the ground, made completely out of bamboo, and with a good-sized, comfortable bed, and a big mosquito net around it. It also has electricity which is nice, and then we all share a bathroom and shower.
It is absolutely beautiful, situated right on the river, nestled between rice pasties, and grazing areas for cattle. The town is in a little valley, surrounded by mountains, very touristy with a good amount of farang who live here. The town is tiny though, with only 2 traffic lights, and I didn't realize just how hectic Chiang Mai is, and not until I left do I now realize how lovely the country is! I am not really a city girl! Lots of good food, I've explored some waterfalls and natural hot springs on the motorbike, and am just kind of hanging out, enjoying the heat, hiking, swimming, taking it all in...
It was rather a hard adjustment into "normal" life after the meditation retreat. At my bungalows, there was this large group of Israelis (they're everywhere) who were kind of dominating the common area, and for the first time while traveling, I was overwhelmed by this complete feeling of aloneness and shyness for a day or two. Anyway, emotions are impermanent. I ended up meeting this really cool auzzie girl who is only 19, and we seem to really click. She's from the sticks in Australia, and works these really intense seasonal, 90 hour a week jobs for 3 months, and then goes off traveling for 6-9 months. She seems very secure, and soulful for being 19. We have distant future plans to bartend together in one of these tiny towns in Australia, where they pay you and provide room and board, just for the experience. I also have learned reiki here, and that is so awesome!! I've been using it ever day on myself!

Falling off the toilet for the first time!

They ended up being sold out of bus tickets on the day that I was going to do my border run, so I had to go one day early to avoid the late exist fine which meant that I had to leave the monastery really early one morning with all of my stuff. I was planning on getting a guest house in town, drop off my stuff, and then do the border-run... Anyway, it wasn't too bad and it all worked out. I left my big backpack in the car, and crossed the border, and stamped my passport with my backpack that had my laptop in it, and my shoulder bag. I then went to a little restaurant, and got some food, and went to use the bathroom. It was just a squatter, and there was water all over the bathroom floor, so I decided to go while still holding my backpack and large shoulder bag.... Anyway, as I was getting up, I started to slip, and then the weight of my heavy backpack pulled me right back down, and I ended up sprawled all over the wet, dirty floor, landed right on my computer in this totally helpless position. It took me a couple minutes to get situated to get back up. Mac's are great though; the computer is totally unharmed! I thought that you had to be over the age of 60 to fall off the toilet though!! Although the squatter can sometimes be more difficult than it sounds!

Afterthoughts

I am just aware again that I can't really be put into any box. I liked the retreat a lot, but I wouldn't really call myself Buddhist, and I don't necessarily relate to all of the Buddhist beliefs. I guess that I enjoy studying different religions, and then pulling a little bit from them all.

Knarly, yet difficult with a hint of zesty pleasure!

So I guess that I had this pre-conceived notion that meditating for 26 days would be ohh so relaxing, and while it was great, I definitely wouldn't call it relaxing.

You get your own living quarter which is nice, and I was placed with the thais, and they had a much nicer accomodations than the foreigners. It was a newer, basic room, we got a little mat and slept on the tile floor, had our own bathrooms with a cold shower, but still, I was able to adjust to that seemingly easily. My first night though, I swear my lower back/hip area went numb, so I started sleeping on my meditation mat... not too bad!! The cold shower while hard to get into, was quite refreshing. No mirror though! That was very foreign to not look at yourself for that long and I caught myself trying to look at my reflection in wondows. We also wore these plain white slacks and shirts that they provided (very flattering!) and then the women had to wear a scarf around their chest as a modesty symbol.

I stayed at a regular monastary with monks, and then they also have this program that allows thais and foreigners to come and meditate. People come and go at different times and stay for different lengths of time. They taught us individually the meditation techniques which consisted of walking and sitting meditation. We were then on our own, free to practice outside, surrounded by numerous temples and Buddha figures, inside one of the temples, or in our room. They encouraged us to stay in our room though. The ground themselves were beautiful, all of these enormous, huge, old trees and numerous different temples and buildings, all enclosed by a big brick wall. It was sort of a mix between fall, spring and summer: a little cool in the morning, warm in the afternoon, and then there were constant leaves falling everywhere, and the novice monks swept constantly. The monastary was quiet by thai standards with plently of construction going on and a few nervous, stray/adopted barking dogs.

The first day we were told to meditate in 15 minute segments, alternating walking and sitting, completing a total of 6 hours. We would then check-in with the master, explain our experience, and they increased our time one hour every day until we were meditating for 12 hours a day, one hour sitting, one hour walking. The master was gone the first 10 days of my retreat, so I spoke with this fiestly German woman who I guess had been assosiated with the temple for the last 30 years or so. She was motivating, and helpful. The technique that they taught consisted of constant mental dialogue of what was going on in your body, "sitting, sitting, sitting," "walking, walking, walking," and when you got distracted by a thought or fear, you would acknowledge that by saying, "thinking, thinking, thinking," "anxious, fear, pain" etc...

We also took part in the ritualistic aspects of Buddhism which inculded an opening and closing ceremony, chanting before our two meals, not eating anything solid after 12 pm, bowing 3 times to the buddha and master before eating, and before speaking to him. And then also every full moon, quarter moon, and new moon is considered a "Buddha day," where they have a ceremony in the evening which consists of a lecture and then the monks and lay people take these candle/ incense/ flower boquets and walk around one of the huge buddha pogodas (this tall spherical monument that has buddha images carved into) three times, before praying to the Buddha, bowing, lighting then candles and leaving the flower boquet on the pagoda. It was so beautiful, we weren't allowed to take pictures though!

Anyway, lots of different emotions came up... Sometimes I almost felt like I was in school again, stressed and anxious to get all the hours in...other days, I felt like my mind retaliated, and I was having constant mental dialogues with all the people that have been in my life through growing up, school, work, and travel experiences. Other days, it was just a lot of emotion, thoughts about my future, and there is no where to turn, nothing you can do to escape, distract yourself, etc... Day 10 I was having so much anxiety, I felt ready to go, thank you very much, adios amigos!! But I stayed, and it is amazing how once you really acknowledge and feel everything, things seem to calm down and get released. The German woman kept speaking about presence, and when you are truly present, in the moment, the future takes care of itself, happens effortlessly, which I've had direct experience as being true, but something very foreign to us westerners.

About day 12 or so, the master came back, and he was so calm and relaxed. He didn't say much, but I felt very calm around him. About day 15, he started reducing our hours of sleep down until we were sleeping no more than 4 hours a night. I would be so tired, that I would go to bed at 10 pm and get up at 2 am... and it was definitely a struggle, but I felt like I did adjust.

Most of the foreigners coming only stay for 10 days, but there were a couple of us who did the full 26 day course. We weren't supposed to speak, but everyone ends up talking a little bit, laid back Thailand. About day 20 or so, I was so tired that I had gone to lunch and forgotten to put on my modesty scarf. It wasn't really that big of a deal. There was one Spanish girl, staying for 10 days who was so funny. She said to me, "Ohha, youa looka like youa goin to the beach, wherea is your scarf? I-a see-a you ona day 20 meditating, and Ia say to my friend, see what-a happen on a day 20... no thank you, Ia leave after daya 10!"

Anyway, so the last three days you were to stay in your room and not allowed to bathe, or clean, and they bring you food. You are supposed to stay up all night, you are allowed to take breaks, but not sleep. You can leave your room to go check-in with the master. The first night I was fine, it was difficult, but the woman next to me was doing the same thing, so I think that that provided some motivation, and though I was really tired, once the sun came up, I was fine. It is sorta like running a cross-country race, you think that you won't make it, but you keep going, and you do make it.

The second night however, I had to sleep about two hours... physically the body is in so much pain sitting erect and walking cause there is no rest really. It was probably the closest experience I'll ever really have to being on drugs. It started feeling like the floor was moving, rolling, swayig underneath me, and then it felt like my feet had lead bricks on them, I really couldn't physically lift them anymore... I only slept two hours though. The last night I was kinda over it and I slept 4 hours. I think everyone ended up sleeping... I had no guilt about sleeping... It started feeling inhuman, we are still physical beings, you know?

Overall, it was great! I feel like I can really do anything ! More to come later!